I have felt very different to those in my immediate surroundings for the duration of my life. From childhood to now. There has always been a narrative that you’ll be happiest if you can fit in and be part of a community. That has been the most highly recommended path to happiness. I have tried many times to join communities of various kinds. I have both failed and succeeded at this. I am capable of making the effort to blend in enough to achieve acceptance. Then I would ease in being my more authentic self, and observe if I was still accepted. Many times I was. Sometimes I wasn’t. That helped me to see I could be valued as myself among others. Now I understand seeking outside validation for my sense of self worth is unimportant to me. Now I can affirm that for myself. I’m getting stronger at it everyday. It’s so freeing to not feel led to please others in a manner that compromises my inner well being. I can still very much be in service and loving to others. I can now expend those energies in to those who are authentically receptive of it. There is always a receptive audience out there for you. Your tribe will show up when you are ready for them. You’ve met people who get you. People who have no interest in changing you to suit them better. Some people in your life may want you to only be their preferred version of you. Allow them to continue that learned pattern again with someone else. The validation they offer (the kind that is only offered when their criteria is met) is no longer what I crave. I take brave steps forward towards making each choice to be more in alignment with the authentic me. This is an act of bravery. This is different. Each time in the past I chose something that was not in my highest alignment it fostered anxiety and resentment. When I do choose things/paths that feel most aligned with myself, I feel like my spirit guides are cheering in the background. I feel like the universe will support me more as I continue to do this. It isn’t easy trusting your intuition. I have many examples of when it has served me, but my upbringing doesn’t support the notion. Second guessing oneself is. I almost grieve that old pattern. I lived with it for so long. I have to forgive myself for that. I have to forgive everyone who reinforced that pattern. Feeling like a victim is okay while you’re processing the traumas, but a victim is not who am I going forward. The choice was always mine. Now I choose more wisely. I choose things/paths out of self-love. Not out of self-atonement. I have nothing to atone. I am complete. I am worthy. I am unique. I am perfect just as I am in this now moment in God’s eyes. I honor and own that now. We love you. We love you. We love you.
